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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

His Anger, Her Tears, Their Happiness



What is it that makes her cry?
What is it that makes her sigh?
And now what about him?
What makes him seethe?
What makes him breathe?
What makes our relationship
Become clearer from what was dim?
***
COURTING is an incredibly important process for the couple that aims to be unified in their love, through Christ, for the rest of their lives.
When my wife, Sarah, and I started courting, I sought her father’s approval. He was very gracious, but also very wise in allowing his daughter of thirty years to make her own decision. Just one question he did ask me, however, in words to the effect: “have you dealt with your scars?” I was glad I was able to answer that question with some level of authority given the process of recovery I’d been through – three years hence my previous relationship.
Sometime afterward, when speaking about our relationship with him, he indicated that we know how female partners when we know several things that might make them cry. At basically the same time he asked Sarah if she knew what made me angry. Even though we had been courting for only a short time, we were both able to answer these key questions: what brought tears in her and what incited anger in me.
At a point in time when we have a grasp on how we interact with our partner to the point of detriment is the point of time when we know who we are dealing with. It is important to know who we are dealing with, before we commit to a lifelong relationship.
Had Sarah found my anger irreconcilable she would have had perfect reason to quash any long-term plans with me. And I couldn’t qualify to know her unless there had been times when I had sufficiently seen her upset. And if I didn’t know what caused her to be emotional, how could I then know whether I could be loving with her, and not angry, in response?
We can see, here, how very important a man’s anger and a woman’s tears are in the context of a long-term lifelong relationship.
***
If a woman has seen her man’s anger and she doesn’t feel scared and can still love him the relationship has a future. If a man has seen his woman’s tears and he can bear them and support her lovingly throughout, his love has passed an important test. Their love has God’s blessing.
© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

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