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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Recovery Having Disappointed Someone

When being in two places at once won’t relate,
Because we know it never does,
What can we do to re-inflate,
The relationship that’s abuzz?
We ensure we make up some way,
Creating a turn of trust,
We certainly go beyond what we say,
We take action beyond what’s discussed.
***
If we are apt at pleasing people, and to a point we should be, we will have some awful difficulties in disappointing people. Yet to live this life is to disappoint people. We cannot go far at all before we betray and frustrate and overwhelm people by intruding on their expectations of us. It’s not our fault, but it remains a reality of life.
This issue is bound to either cause to be perplexed or it could liberate us.
We have the option of remaining at odds with ourselves because we cannot stand to disappoint people or of accepting the fact in advance of the time that those who meet us and love us will often end up most disappointed because of us. We must be especially cautious of those who love us, because where there is an extreme of affection there is likely to be just as much an extreme the other way, too. Some people end up behaving like they have borderline personality disorder—love us then hate us, all within a short period.
We have the option: will we be determined to be frustrated and dismayed and feel forever guilty or will we accept that people will say we hurt them when, in fact, they hurt themselves? This shouldn’t be a hard choice.
But then there is this situation. When we must disappoint someone, because we cannot possibly please them, even if we want to, what are we to do?
The imposition of action is our only option.
This is not so much about making up as it is about understanding relational dynamics; that all relationships are about currency: of two forms: 1) The sort that operates like money, where we must invest in order to manage trust. To withdraw too much in our relational bank accounts makes us bankrupt to the currency of trust. 2) Trust has to be managed and made relevant now; it’s no good having had a trusting relationship—it must be current.
Acknowledging these two forms of currency compels us to do whatever we need to do to restore and maintain trust; to redeem the redeemable moment so the relationship has hope for the future.
***
We cannot please everyone all the time. It is an exercise in futility to attempt it. We best plan what we might do to recover situations when we disappoint people. We have the choice whether we determine it is worth it or not. And trust is always the major currency. No relationship is irredeemable. We can redeem a relationship by rebuilding trust.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

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