“The opposite of loneliness is not togetherness; it’s intimacy.”
— Richard Bach
I swear by the power of dating so much that there is hardly a better way to develop intimacy than via one-on-one time where both enter into honest communication. And it’s not just romantic dates that are in view. Any relationship that relies upon intimacy to take it from A to B needs one-on-one time. This includes romantic relationships, mentoring relationships, and times with our sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters. Even certain working relationships require the nurture of one-on-one time.
What are some of the features of this one-on-one time that are so important?
The Features of Dating
Dating is not just between a man and a woman; it’s truly for anyone who seeks to nurture intimacy between them and another. Intimacy is required wherever trust is important. Marriages need a good working relationship, but so do relationships in the occupational setting, friendships, etc.
I have dated my wife and daughters for years and each of these one-on-one relationships has a unique character about it. The way two people relate with each other is determined by negotiation to the satisfaction of both. We meet on a frequency that suits us both, but is determined by the needs of the person most in need. As a father, it is a privilege to meet with my girls and hear them speak about how life is going. It’s also a privilege to gently speak into their lives, and mostly by encouragement.
I also meet with a couple of different mentors. These meetings are fluid, but without meeting them one-on-one I wouldn’t learn like I do. Meetings with mentors have me reflecting for days, even weeks, on one single idea most of the time.
I love to meet with my two brothers for golf, but I would prefer it if we could meet one-on-one. I also love it when my father and I do gardening work together at his house. There is something about men and working together that creates intimacy.
One-on-one dates are not just about the amount of time spent together; they are about the psychological contact made. In the space between two people is a connection where respect may be shown and trust is fostered.
One-on-one time creates intimacy; the bonds of trust and respect any good relationship needs. Making time one-on-one is about the best relationship goal we can strive for in maintaining the vitality of connection needed between two as they operate functionally.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.