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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Anger’s Opportunities – to Hurt or Heal


Walking in after a long and trying day at the office, the husband, looking rather battered and beaten, was open to sympathy from his wife who said, “Love, are you okay? You look a bit worse for wear.” He responded, “Yes, it was shocking day, one to forget.” Words were put on the backburner, just for a moment.
They hugged and silently each began to feel and heal the other.
She was feeling and healing him because he felt heard. He was feeling and healing her because he hadn’t come home to rant. He was surrendered and she was available to him.
Had he not been surrendered she would have felt threatened, scared, blocked for effectiveness—and defensive. Had she not been so neutrally available it may have raised his ire. He was feeling quite weak, after all.
When There Is Anger There Is, Equally, Opportunity
Crudely put, anger may breed something ineffective and dangerous or it may conjure processes of feeling and, therefore, healing. (In this context, feeling is experiencing the primary emotions—which maladaptive, aggressive anger tends to suppress.)
Everyone battles with anger because we are emotional beings, and our emotions are piqued by something or other. Sooner or later we will get angry. If we are honest it happens at least weekly.
Feeling angry and giving vent to our anger are, however, two separate processes. The former we cannot help. The latter, though, we have much more control over.
When there is anger, there is also an opportunity. What will we do with it? Will we use it to hurt or to heal?
Having taken the opportunity and grasped the occasion of surrender, to not fight our anger or become resentful, just letting the anger be, we come across in vulnerable and sincere ways to those who might help. Because we have no defence they have no defence either. We have become available to each other such that one can help the other. And in that help the person helped also helps the helper. The helper feels useful. The helped feels helped.
***
We can use our anger to hurt or to heal—it depends how seriously we take our responsibility for it. Anger is ours to manage and ours alone. When we resolve to admit our anger we are much more available to be helped. Then we can be healed. Then, also, the people that help are healed because they help us.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

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