Women are perhaps forgiven for wondering when their man will learn—that is, when he will finally act the way she wants him to. The fact that it’s the wrong approach is beside the point—he will begin to “learn” quicker once her foot is off his throat.
And even if he doesn’t it’s of no consequence.
The aggrieved half of the relationship will sense the weight over their shoulders and the burden on their heart shift as a result of backing off.
This is because the balance of account will shift from external foci—his life, i.e. what he does or doesn’t do—back onto yours. Life gets simpler.
The moment any partner in a relationship realises they are still fundamentally alone is the moment when life can begin again (or for the first time). We are cosmically alone; and due God, that’s a fantastic reality.
We assign too much happiness to what others do or don’t do.
Control is relinquished too willingly—foolishness, the fact. By ‘control’ I mean letting others—by their action or inaction—dictate how we’ll feel. We say, “If he/she will do this to that standard by then, I’ll be happy.” There’s three areas for our expectations to be thrashed and dashed right there!
Of course, from this distance we see how ridiculous it is.
Too much contentment (and control) has been vested in variables completely out of our control. What right-minded person does that? (Yes, we all lose our minds from time to time.)
A Better Question
Instead of “When will he learn?” why not ask, “How can I live less affected by the things he (or she) does that irritate me?”
The truth is he (or she) will be the only ones who will change themselves. No one—not even you—will change them.
© 2011 S. J. Wickham.