THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS NOT ONLY IN ROMANCE but in all relationships. The classic “new” lustre wears off eventually. It has to. Then comes the hard work of making the partnership work when there’s two (or more) with grating faults and equally heart-bend needs and desires that foist their way to the forefront—after the politeness is gone.
This is simply a fact of life that needs to be, but often isn’t, keep in mind.
It’s like the truth—about those “little” things that quietly and ingeniously rub away at our displeasure—can only be denied for so long. We tolerate these things thinking things will change, or, ‘Isn’t that cute, the way they do that thing,’ not thinking we’re stuck with that quirky device.
Rose-coloured glasses are good in that they get us formed and operational, but what occurs when things start getting more real?
It is good for all relationships—whether romantic, business, sporting or other—to recognise and adapt to the phenomenon. It’s intrinsic to the nature of life. This is why we say it’s unwise to ‘move in’ with someone (or otherwise “commit”) until the relationship, for a time, has survived some beating weather, long past the honeymoon phase. At least if we do commit prematurely, we must do so knowing things will change.
So long as we appreciate that the other person (or people) has/have desires and needs like we do—only different ones that become urgent at different times than ours—and they, like we, have extraneous faults that nothing will cover over but tolerance and grace, we can make it work. This is going in with our eyes open.
And this is where we need to be with all our relationships. Dealing in truth and prepared to wear the consequences in dealing with another person—someone different than us—we go on in harmony, and so do they if they have a similar approach.
Only then can we begin to deal with the differences that enhance the relationship, for being in cahoots with another person breaks the monotony of only having ourselves to contend with.
Let’s get to the stage of tolerance and grace for the little things that will inevitably annoy us; then we can appreciate the beauty of the other person/people in the team—those things that set us apart and make our team or partnership everything it is or can be.
© 2010 S. J. Wickham.